Leaping toward the sun in Big Bend State Park, Presidio, TX.
All-star snapshot captured by Ann Sydney Taylor. Explore more of her
Texas travels at http://www.annsydneytaylor.com.
***
“I’m going to the desert to find
myself.”
I deliver this automatic reply
with a smile, answering people’s questions about the reason for my Texas trip
with a raw truth colored in humor.
“Well, good luck finding yourself
in the desert,” retorts one beloved and sassy yoga student of mine, “because
you seem so lost.” She rolls her eyes and laughs. I appreciate her sarcasm, she
sees and believes in a part of me I haven’t fully recognized and claimed yet.
Once in the desert, driving a lone
road through the West Texas plains and rocky mountains, my mind returns to her line and back to the
reason for this trip.
First of all, I’m still grappling
to believe this adventure to the West with my best friend from childhood is actually
happening. The manifestation of this dream road trip and the spectacular
landscape of West Texas seems surreal.
This unfolding scene lulls and energizes me. Pure sunshine streams through open windows, the clearest of
blue sky stretches to the horizon and the bluebonnets, the wildflower pride of
Texas, blooms into their spring debut in blankets hugging the side of the road.
The beauty of this place almost overwhelms me.
I glance at my friend, who
navigates the road with the ease and confidence of a true Texas cowgirl. She’s
the Sagittarius to my Gemini, the extrovert to my introvert, the night owl to
my morning lark, the rock n’ roller to my indie-hipster music taste, and I love
her to the moon and back. She’s the most generous, fun-loving person I know and
I am awed, inspired and empowered by her strength, resilience and genuine
openheartedness to life. If this road’s trip sole purpose is simply to be with
her, to honor, celebrate and strengthen our friendship, then it is golden and
worth every moment.
I reach my hand out of the
sunroof, feeling wind and sun rays slip through my fingers. I breathe in the
blue sky and feel healed and whole. I thought the healing and the calm would
follow an epiphany, a light bulb switched on moment illuminating my soul path
and directing me with arrows and beneficial footnotes.
I’m not actively finding myself by
analyzing the experience, by thinking profound thoughts, by planning the next
step. I’m letting myself be and curiously find that I am deeply at peace with
my life and myself.
I almost feel like laughing and
share this realization with my friend, who I can tell all my soul insights
to, for she holds them in full acceptance.
“Well, I came to the desert to
find myself and found that I already like who I am.”
Eyes on the road, wind catching
her hair, she voices a wisdom that chimes instantly with my spirit:
“It’s not finding yourself, it’s
remembering yourself. Taking out the noise does marvels.”
The noise has been my own pushy
and demanding voice, highly critical that I haven’t figured out my life, that
my diversified passions haven’t quite settled and arranged themselves in a
balanced, seamless way.
In the quiet stretch of open
space, the internal pressure dissipates. A remembered truth soothes and
transforms the anxious seeking to a relaxed and trusted knowing.
I settle back into my seat,
watching the road climb up into sun-soaked mountains and soften into trusting
the journey ahead.
***
So, sweet reader, release the need to impress, to find and define.
Remember the truth of your being. Remember how truly magnificent you are.
Be
You and Shine.
