I Am Power

I Am Power.

An affirmation first given as a gift from a compassionate healer.

Three words rewriting my pattern of passivity and vulnerability.

The internal declaration ushering in a new era of confidence, poise and manifested desires.

A revolution wrecking fierce and fantastic chaos: insecurities burned and inner light exposed.

A whisper proclaiming my inherent ability to shape my own destiny.

The mantra igniting courage as I navigate snow slick city streets.

The secret I wish I knew when I was thirteen years old.

The belief detangling me from draining and overwhelming relationships.

The shift in perspective casting me as the queen, the credible and capable ruler. 

I Am Power: A truth I claim and own. 

A Portland Perspective : A Loving Reflection

Happily welcoming Rachel Benson to blogland! Rachel is a kindred spirit living in Portland, Oregon. She is compassion in motion. Her laughter is sunshine for the soul. She is rooted in her truth and inspires others to be their best selves.

Presenting her post on transitioning from the Bluegrass to the West Coast. Curl up and savor her words. 

***

I find myself belly up on a comfortable table. I am in a beautiful old house turned wellness center in North Portland. My fingers have gone numb but I feel a wonderful sense of mental calmness and clarity. I lift my arm up slowly to eye level and I see three needles sticking up in various places on my left arm. Startled by the sight, I let me hand fall back on my stomach. I try to be still and breathe deeply.

Acupuncture, a new experience for me.

I cannot help but think of the plethora of new experiences I've had in the past year. I uprooted my life in Kentucky, moved to Oregon, found a place to live and  started a new job. It has been a wonderful journey, but definitely not an easy one.

I clearly remember my first night in Portland. I hiked to the top of Mt Tabor-an extinct lava vent inside the city- at dusk and saw the city laid out before me. Fear, excitement, confusion, and a strong sense of adventure washed over me that night and has not yet fully left. Change can shake us in ways that we never had expected, pushing us to our limits at times.

My first job in Portland was not what it was advertised to be. Without a scrap of training I was thrust into a manager position at a sinking ship company. Six days later I walked away. I knew this job was not right but I felt confused, hurt and sad. Confidence in myself felt momentarily shattered. My self image as someone who could handle whatever life thrust on me felt broken. I was scared to tell friends and family because I feared judgement that they may place on me. What I found was that not one of my friends or family passed judgement on me for my decision. Instead, they showed me much love and understanding. The most judgmental person I found was myself.

Through this experience I have learned the importance of going slowly and treating myself with compassion. Yes, I walked away from the job, but I am still a capable person. I followed my intuition and made a bold decision that was not easy. I felt stronger from my experience once I allowed myself to go through the emotions. I must treat myself at times like I would a child, finding love for myself even when I am confused or hurt. 

Looking back, I would not wish this experience away.

I learned my limits on what I will accept at a job as well as how to sort through a disappointment slowly and lovingly. 

***

Rachel’s photos of hiking journeys capture the astounding beauty of nature. Her photography gives this Kentuckian a breathtaking glimpse of the wondrous world out west. 

Many Thanks, Dear Rachel for sharing this gift with us.  

Receiving Love

The month of chocolate kisses, glitzy hearts and Aquarius birthdays arrives with a sweet flurry of snowflakes. The Groundhog may have seen his shadow, but sudden sun rays are beaming through grey clouds and there’s a hint of the softest blue sky. I adore February – it feels lighthearted and rather splendid. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a lover of Valentine’s Day. I’m all about celebrating and nurturing the loving relationships in my life – friends, family, crushes and dogs included.

So, while I’m slipping Valentine cards in the mail, I’m musing on love. I’m thinking of the diverse ways we give love (quality time, gift giving, doing for others, etc.) and just as importantly, on how well we receive love.

In order to fully receive love, we have to believe that we are worthy of love. And here is where the gremlins sneak in. The inner critic can pounce and list off the reasons why we are not worthy of this awesome goodness manifesting in a dream job or the dream beau.

For me, self-worth issues bubbled up when my face broke out as an allergic reaction to a natural makeup I started using. This coincided right when I got a dream opportunity to work at my favorite non-profit and when I was dazzled by a charming guy who I was all giddy and butterflies for. Mr. Charming treated me to several sweet dates and was affectionate and kind, but I felt unworthy of his attention and my self-consciousness blocked me from receiving the full goodness of our times together.

Thankfully, this was also the same time I discovered my guru, Brene Brown. I’ve praised Brene Brown many a time on this blog and I will do so again and again. She writes on the power of vulnerability, declaring that yes, we are imperfect but still worthy of love and belonging. She also writes that only through unconditionally loving yourself are you able of loving others. I can love my other for all their quirks and embrace their insecurities and perceived flaws but if I don’t do the same for myself then my love and acceptance of my other doesn’t seem as true and strong.

“Marry yourself first,” a wise lady recently told me.

Committing to truly love and nurture myself is a daunting task. I’d rather pour my affection onto friends and loved ones, but as the Buddha says, “you, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

So, how to make self-love part of every day life. What practices can we incorporate to ensure we are opening ourselves up to receiving all the abundant goodness the universe wants to offer us? I’ve mused a bit and here are a few that are opening my heart to love and sweetness.

*Receive the compliment.

I adored this barista who worked at one of my favorite coffee shops and the manner in which she received a compliment was a true gift for me. It was her last day on the job and truly sorry to see her go I told her how I would miss her and what a light she had been. 

She responded in her usual kindhearted and wise way, “Thank you,” and placing her hand on her heart said, “I receive that.”

I love this. So often when I get a compliment, I feel like I have to throw it back and not accept it because it may seem cocky. But I know when I give a compliment I mean it and I want the person to receive it - think of it as a gift. So, when I receive a compliment (and I know it’s genuine), I receive it and I let is sparkle up my day.

*Soak in the goodness of the moment.

Take note and celebrate the bliss moments. I feel blissful when teaching yoga and I make sure to breathe that joy in. I feel utterly comfortable having a night in watching a favorite movie and eating ice cream. Savor.

 If there’s resistance to receiving your joy, pause and meet the resistance. Practice compassion as you ask and explore the reasons why there’s a blockage present for you. Awareness is key. If you’re aware there’s a pattern of resisting goodness, then you can work on acknowledging it and letting it go by affirming you are worthy of receiving all forms of joy in your life.

*Receive a moment of rest.

Yoga practice ends with savasana, a restorative time to rest and let the body soak in the benefits of the practice. I love watching yogis fully surrender to a moment of non-doing (which is a time of great doing) and receive this time as moment of rest for the body and mind. Whether or not you practice yoga, you too can take a few moments a day to fully receive a moment of rest. This can be done in the few moments before drifting off to sleep or upon waking in the morning. Feel the body resting down, the nurturing flow of breath, and be in silent gratitude for this moment.

*Know how you heal.

Understand what and who helps you heal. Some days I feel sparkly and confident and I can easily disregard a rude comment or a confusing experience, but sometimes my sensitive self takes everything personally. Time to heal and take care. I heal through dancing, through listening to music, journaling and by speaking my story to those who have earned my trust. Listen to your inner healer. Know how you heal.

*Know your love language and the love languages of others.

I show love by spending quality time with friends and family. When I’m with you, I’m wholeheartedly present with you. When I text, or email, my heart-full attention is in every word.

As an adolescent, if my friend’s love language wasn’t the same as my own, then I was usually rather hurt when I found they didn’t listen and give me their full attention like I did when we were together. It took a while, but now I understand that my friends and loved ones show love in different ways and once I learn their love language, I can appreciate their unique and diverse ways of showering affection.

For example, my best friend from childhood shows love by doing things for others. She’d be the one I call if I got stranded at some wild party because she’d pick me up in a heartbeat, no questions asked, and I’d treat her to a late night milkshake because gift giving is one of my love languages, too.

So, dear readers, wishing you a sweet and love filled February. Soak in the goodness and treat yourself to some delicious chocolate! 

Love & Sparkles, 

Meredith   

The Power of Whispers

I’m sniffling, sipping hot water with lemon and averaging three oranges a day. A self-deprecating voice dictates, resulting in a rather blue disposition. I’m wishing I had taken my own yoga teacher advice and spent the last few weeks speaking more kindly toward myself.

Typically, the themes of my yoga classes reflect my own life lessons on and off the mat.  Speaking kindly toward myself is one such lesson I’m still learning and this lesson inspired last Sunday’s yoga class. Flowing with Robert Kiyosaki's quote (above), class focused on positive affirmations and honoring the whispers of the body as a form of innate wisdom.

Well, I haven’t been speaking kindly and listening to my body. My desperate need to get back to doing! was almost a form of punishment for the time spent recovering from the upchuck disease.  I didn’t grant myself full recovery time and as a result, I’m here riding the last waves of a cold.

So, watery eyes and dull aches force me to hibernate. At first, this self-proclaimed rest means watching reruns of “Sex and the City” on E! (I’m a Carrie girl forever) and pinteresting. This is not restorative. Too much TV and too much Internet overwhelms my sensitive, out-of-balance system.

I’m still in do! mode when I call to reschedule a hair appointment, and I’m utterly grateful for my beautician who lovingly tells me to sleep and rest. Her advice echoes the inner whisper telling me to turn off the TV, to stop all forms of attempted productivity and sleep.

At first my go!go!-self resists but sleep heals and restores a sense of peace. Upon waking I rest in silence. No music, no background TV noise, just darkness and quiet. The thought gremlins do not appear. I listen to the layers of sound and sense the silence holding the sounds. I’m entranced by the silence - it’s soul nourishing.

The silence allows me to turn inward and see what prompted my physical spiral to upchucking and sniffling. Energetically, I believe suppressed emotions, unprocessed experiences and negative self-talk manifests in disease. From this understanding, I become aware that my physical cold represents inner crying, a child-like part of me that needs to be compassionately listened to and soothed.

An old memory emerges from childhood: I walk into an ice cream shop and am socially shunned by a group of my school peers who are also there (one of whom was my ex-boyfriend from the first grade). The memory relates to a recent experience of walking into a public space and feeling disconnected and purposefully left out from a group. My ex from the first grade wasn’t there this time, but the same quiet voice hissed, You don’t belong and I believed it. I break my own heart with my self-sabotaging thoughts, but I can also heal it.

Rachel Naomi Remen writes about our own inner ability to heal and create an internal sanctuary for peace and healing. So, to soothe the inner child, I envision a radiant, healthy version of myself holding and cradling the younger me affirming my belonging.

Trusting this inner healer, I listen and honor my body as I gently recover from this bout of sickness, which is a gift and a lesson. It’s a reminder to listen to the body’s whispers before they become wails. It’s a gift to witness the strength of my body that wishes to heal and recover optimal health. I’m making trust and forgive my February mantras, knowing that a loving word whispered to self can be just as healing as a cup of hot tea steeped in lots of goodness and love.