Namaste

“Have Peace. Have Courage.” I’m listening to my heartbeats. After rising from savasana to a comfortable seat, my mind is soothed and calm. “The Light in me salutes the Light in you,” Madeline says and I envision a spark of flame igniting within my chest. “Namaste.”  A soft chorus of namastes echo throughout the studio’s space.

Opening my eyes, I see a beaming Madeline, perched perfectly on her mat in a classic meditative seated pose. She’s my first yoga teacher, the one my fifteen-year-old self magically found.

During this month of glittery hearts, romance and love, I’ve been thinking about Madeline, the gift of Namaste, and relationships, more specifically, people I’m not feeling a lot of love for these days.

I’m contemplating the nature of forgiveness because now seems the time to let go of some grudge residue. More energetic space to Love and less negativity for the Universe is welcomed and needed. My thoughts have turned to the wisdom dwelling within the offering of Namaste.

In Sanskrit, Namaste translates to “I bow to you,” or “you bow to me,” and is typically said at the end of practice with the hands in prayer, anjali mudra, at the heart. It’s a quiet, blissful moment where teacher and students recognize the Divinity within them and acknowledge the Divinity within others.

On my yoga mat (as a student and as a teacher), I am fully committed to seeing the Divine in my fellow yogis. Practicing Namaste off the mat is a challenge, especially recently, because it’s hard for me to see the Divine in the person who sent me a biting facebook message.

Forgiving someone for me is a continual process. My initial reaction is ego fueled: I’ve been wounded, so I strike back in hot words (that probably the said person will never hear, they will be journaled and passionately expressed to kind, listening friends). And when the anger dissipates, I do my best to forgive. I wade through my smoldering emotions and seek for their humanness: “she was really nice to me that one time…”

And then I repeat: I forgive again and again, and I forgive myself again and again, until one day (and that day does arrive) when I feel relatively peaceful toward that person and I can say, Namaste.

As I continue to work on freeing myself and others with forgiveness, I’m returning back to Madeline’s closing line for the practice: “Have Peace. Have Courage. Namaste.” 

Have Peace: I want to feel peaceful in my relationships and toward people that sometimes pop up in my facebook newsfeed. I’m so blessed, so it seems incredibly silly to not hold a little bit more peace in my heart. If I feel resentment toward a person, then I’m taking it as a sign that I need to get quiet, figure out what’s bothering me (typically I’m projecting my own insecurity about something onto that person). Then, set an intention for taking peaceful action: talk about it, write about it, set my boundaries. Sometimes simply acknowledging that I’m going to feel that certain prickliness when I’m with that person helps me dis-identify with those feelings and I can become the observer and just let it go.

Have Courage: “The world is 99.9% projection.” This is one of my dad’s favorite lines. At times, when I’m angry and I just want the other person to be the bad guy, it’s a hard one to digest. It takes courage for me to sit and see my own personal underlying issues in a blowout with someone. The initial “he insulted my intelligence” emotional response soon unveils an already lurking insecurity that I have about my intelligence.

It takes courage to see and own my role in the breakup, but it brings to surface lessons I need to work on and allows me to see and be (grudgingly) grateful to the so called bad guy who in truth is a teacher. It takes courage to not identify with the wounded ego. It takes courage to lovingly decide to either embrace that person back into my life, or gently release them and still wish them well.

Namaste: I’m returning to the beaming Madeline, who so graciously looked past teen awkwardness to see the Divine in my fifteen year old self. She’s my inspiration for living Namaste off the mat. I’m going to need a role model like Madeline who is kind and confident to guide me with these forgiving Namastes. I know it takes effort for me pause the thought storm and silently offer a particular person a Namaste. Ultimately, that moment of higher recognition, that we’re all in this together and just doing the best that we can, lessens the burn, soothes some of the hurt and reconnects me to my true self.

February’s heart-energy gently reminds me that forgiveness is more about me than the other person. The Namaste whispered in the hopes of forgiveness heals past wounds and inspires my heart to continue to glitter and shine.

Dear February, I’m thanking you for the cold that has led me to hibernate and contemplate on the workings of my heart. And to close the month, I say, Have Peace. Have Courage. Namaste. 

Come Alive

   

Single digit temperatures are ruling outside, but I’m beaming and thoroughly thrilled after presenting for a favorite professor’s senior class. International Studies Majors (who in my biased opinion are some of the coolest cats on campus) have to write a research paper in their last semester of senior year in order to graduate.

This time last year, I was busy researching human trafficking in Kentucky, and I loved every minute of it. I enjoyed the research process. I loved reading, investigating, and compiling notes. I loved conducting interviews with advocates who selflessly work to help others; I got to listen and share their stories. I loved directing my writing with a purpose: to raise awareness about human trafficking in Kentucky.

So, I was more than happy and absolutely flattered to be asked by my professor to present to his current capstone senior class about my experience writing the research paper. I didn’t want to waltz into the classroom and preach to a group of students who are probably around my age.

“I’m on your side,” I silently tell them before I’m introduced to speak.

I went up to the front of the classroom (flashback!) in the hopes that at least one person could benefit from my research writing experience. I was appreciative of the students, who listened attentively and asked insightful, good questions about human trafficking and tips for writing their paper. I felt grateful to have a professor who believed in me and in my research.

I walked back out into the sunny, biting cold day feeling energized and excited about life. And this is a feeling I’ve been looking for lately. I listen to my feelings for clues on how to interact with people and for insights on making decisions. Right now, this post-grad gal has been reflecting on what makes me feel alive. And after the presentation, where I got to interact with students and talk about my writing and my research on human trafficking, I felt fully alive.

I’m reveling in this feeling. I’m also taking a moment to pause and ask a few questions:

What is it exactly about this experience that inspired this feeling of aliveness? How can I nurture those passions? What is the next step so they can grow and become more permanent fixtures in my reality?

This little self-inquiry reminds me of a Howard Thurman quote: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs are people who have come alive.”

Thinking about some of my favorite people, I realize they are people who are fully engaged and alive. They have a sparkle in their eye and they are passionate and driven. They make mistakes, but they shine the brighter for them because they are seekers; they’re feeling their way out through life. I love it when I see friends embracing their talents, taking small, but significant steps toward living and breathing what makes their heart dance.

These friends inspire me. By being their authentic selves they encourage me to be authentic and courageous. I’m smiling as I think of a childhood friend whose passion for music has led her to represent bands and travel around the country with them as a tour manager. She’s bold and when I’m with her, I feel bold, too.

As the frigid cold reigns on, I’m taking this sweet moment to simply be here, feeling whole-heartedly Alive. 

Hello, February!

“February is the month of Love,” an artist friend told me recently. I whole-heartedly agree. February is the month of Love, relationships, reds, pinks, glitter, hearts, chocolate, mischief, fun. A lot of Fun. In my household, it’s also the month of birthday celebrations, so this means a surplus of ice cream cakes and family and friend gatherings that sparkle up this winter month.

  So a big hug, a bonjour, a kiss!kiss! to February!

The upcoming birthday and Valentine’s day celebrations are inspiring my free spirited side, the fashionista who is adoring hot pink cardigans, shimmering lip glosses, and red coats, the inner artist who is excited for crafting Valentine’s times. I’m thinking of reaching out and reconnecting with old, faraway friends, and pampering the ones nearby with chocolate and a Bridget Jones movie date.

I’m using this month of Love as a springboard for practicing self-love. This translates to indulging my creative side by delighting in the creation of a fun loving Wednesday outfit. It means planting affirmations and nurturing them, so a little bit more Love can flow more freely through my bloodstream, into my heartbeats. 

All right, February, I’m pairing with you old, pink glittery friend to practice this one. Recently I read to think of one area of your body that you’re struggling with to love (for me it’s my very sensitive and outspoken skin). At least once a day for a month, look in the mirror and say you love that part of your body. Step back and then, say you love your whole self. So far, this practice in self-love has been soothing and rather healing. It let’s me recognize and lovingly own my humanness.

I’m aware that not everyone is a February lover. Heartbreak may be present. Valentine’s Day may bring out loneliness and missing instead of feelings of affection and connectedness. And that’s all right. I propose that You define your February and give this wintry month some sparkle by indulging in a chocolate bar, good friend time, or whatever else uplifts and feeds your creative, wondrous self. You deserve it, especially if you made it through several polar vortexes.

This February, I’m inviting my creative side to dance. I’m feasting on organic dark chocolate bars with raspberries (and that leftover birthday cake I mentioned before). I’m nurturing my friendships and love for myself. And I’m embracing (sunshine, or snow) all that this month of Love has to offer and give. 

Kentucky Does Indeed Kick Ass!

(Sportin' a Kentucky for Kentucky Tee)

Fate led me to Morris Bookstore the other day where I found a fresh abundance of Kentucky for Kentucky shirts. I literally clapped my hands and twirled in true delight. I had been on the hunt for Kentucky for Kentucky apparel, especially the extremely popular, “Y’ALL” shirt, which I wanted for a sister’s birthday and frankly, for myself. My weekend just got made when I spotted them hanging out nonchalantly at Morris.

“Hey, y’all,” I purred and went on to treat myself to several purchases - all of which I justify because the money goes to local enterprise.

I jazzed up my Sunday by wearing my new tee: it features a white sketch of Kentucky with its 120 kick ass counties and an inscription reading, “A Kick Ass Commonwealth Since 1792.” Paired my kick ass shirt with jeans, boots and a long cream cardigan and felt Bluegrass proud and chic.

Honestly, I am feeling the love for my home state. There is so much beauty here, in the rolling hills, in the art and poetry from Appalachia, in the blossoming vibrancy of Lexington. I’m excited to be here, in this city and colorful community with passionate people who want Lexington to rise and meet its full creative and entrepreneurial potential. I’m incredibly grateful for the Kentucky for Kentucky crew for truly owning and confidently defining Kentucky’s unique kick ass coolness, and also, for designing some hip shirts along the way. I’ll be wearing and saying my y’all with great pride.

Learn more about Kentucky for Kentucky at

http://www.kentuckyforkentucky.com/

Jennifer Lawrence was spotted proudly wearing a Kentucky for Kentucky t-shirt! Be a Kentucky star and do a little shopping! 

You Look Fine

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”

- Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience 

 My eyes widen in horror as I see one of my worse fears reflected in the mirror- a leftover from lunch wedged perfectly right in-between my two front teeth. I cringe and feel a hot flash of embarrassment.

“Aww, gawd,” I moan, thinking back to all the places I had been to that afternoon and all the people I had spoken to, not knowing a stubborn piece of lettuce (or was that broccoli?) had happily tagged along for the ride. My mind rewinds to the friendly woman at the post office who I had chatted up to about stamps, my barista friend at the coffee shop, and my fun loving coworkers who I had pleasantly gossiped with upon returning from the afternoon errands.

I must have looked like an idiot, I inwardly cry, freeing the protesting piece of lunch from my teeth. And I thought I looked so cute in my red coat!

I berate myself for not checking my pearly whites after lunch. I know better, I shake my head, and fumble around for an affirmation to stop the growing sense of shame from spreading; but my inner critic (who looks and sounds like Merly Streep as Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada)  has smelled blood. She snakes her way to my mind’s podium and takes the opportunity to point out my flawed appearance: wrinkled shirt, crooked teeth, bumpy complexion….I want to shrink back into myself, like a turtle hiding his head in his shell; I want to escape these thoughts and these fluorescent lights.

Turning to leave, I take one last look in the mirror. I don’t want to go back into the work world feeling this raw and vulnerable. I pause, and in the pause lessons from Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection emerge. I recognize the desire to cringe and shrink is shame: shame telling me that I am not worthy of love and belonging.

And why am I not worthy? I tenderly ask the shamed self, hiding in the turtle’s shell. Because I have a piece of lettuce stuck in-between my teeth.

Aww, gawd, I laugh. How silly!! And laughter does the trick; it lifts the veil, and invites me out of my shame shell. Not demeaning laughter, but humor birthed from understanding and compassion.

I imagine how I would perceive a friend talking with something in their teeth. I wouldn’t judge them. I might notice and then not think twice about it.

Why don’t I treat myself with the same kindness? Why do I grant others full permission to be human and yet, hold myself to idealistic standards?

“You can only give what you have,” a wise friend once told me. Brene Brown also writes about the importance of self-love, and how truly loving yourself allows you to fully love others. Self-hatred is compared to second-hand smoke, it’s more damaging than we realize to the ones we love, especially in the relationship between parent and child.

I think of all the times I let my second hand smoke affect my sisters. In our shared bathroom as kids I’d be quick to criticize my appearance in front of them, but just as quick to shoot down their self criticisms with “oh, no, not you. You’re beautiful!”

Practicing kindness and acceptance becomes more imperative when I think it will positively impact the lives of those around me. Now is the time for me to claim and accept my humanness for others, and especially for myself. Laughter is key, sweet, understanding laughter. And affirmations guide me away from the critical comments of Miss Miranda Priestly and plant seeds for positivity and acceptance. I’m also going to do crafting and post empowering quotes, like the one above, on my bathroom mirror.

Self-love begins in this moment. So, I take a steady breath and lovingly embrace my very human self, broccoli decorated teeth and all, and wish you the same full, very human and beautiful acceptance.