“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than
a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect
imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.”
- Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically
You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
My eyes widen in horror as I see
one of my worse fears reflected in the mirror- a leftover from lunch wedged
perfectly right in-between my two front teeth. I cringe and feel a hot flash of
embarrassment.
“Aww, gawd,” I moan, thinking back to all
the places I had been to that afternoon and all the people I had spoken to, not
knowing a stubborn piece of lettuce (or was that broccoli?) had happily tagged
along for the ride. My mind rewinds to the friendly woman at the post office
who I had chatted up to about stamps, my barista friend at the coffee shop, and
my fun loving coworkers who I had pleasantly gossiped with upon returning from
the afternoon errands.
I must have looked like an idiot, I inwardly cry, freeing the protesting piece of lunch from my teeth. And I thought I looked so cute in my red coat!
I berate myself for not checking my pearly whites after lunch. I know better, I shake my head, and fumble around for an affirmation to stop the growing sense of shame from spreading; but my inner critic (who looks and sounds like Merly Streep as Miranda Priestly from The Devil Wears Prada) has smelled blood. She snakes her way to my mind’s podium and takes the opportunity to point out my flawed appearance: wrinkled shirt, crooked teeth, bumpy complexion….I want to shrink back into myself, like a turtle hiding his head in his shell; I want to escape these thoughts and these fluorescent lights.
Turning to leave, I take one last look in the mirror. I don’t want to go back into the work world feeling this raw and vulnerable. I pause, and in the pause lessons from Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection emerge. I recognize the desire to cringe and shrink is shame: shame telling me that I am not worthy of love and belonging.
And why am I not worthy? I tenderly ask the shamed self, hiding in the turtle’s shell. Because I have a piece of lettuce stuck in-between my teeth.
Aww, gawd, I laugh. How silly!! And laughter does the trick; it lifts the veil, and invites me out of my shame shell. Not demeaning laughter, but humor birthed from understanding and compassion.
I imagine how I would perceive a friend talking with something in their teeth. I wouldn’t judge them. I might notice and then not think twice about it.
Why don’t I treat myself with the same kindness? Why do I grant others full permission to be human and yet, hold myself to idealistic standards?
“You can only give what
you have,” a wise friend once told me. Brene Brown also writes about the
importance of self-love, and how truly loving yourself allows you to fully love
others. Self-hatred is compared to second-hand smoke, it’s more damaging than
we realize to the ones we love, especially in the relationship between parent
and child.
I think of all the times I let my second hand smoke affect my sisters. In our shared bathroom as kids I’d be quick to criticize my appearance in front of them, but just as quick to shoot down their self criticisms with “oh, no, not you. You’re beautiful!”
Practicing kindness and acceptance becomes more imperative when I think it will positively impact the lives of those around me. Now is the time for me to claim and accept my humanness for others, and especially for myself. Laughter is key, sweet, understanding laughter. And affirmations guide me away from the critical comments of Miss Miranda Priestly and plant seeds for positivity and acceptance. I’m also going to do crafting and post empowering quotes, like the one above, on my bathroom mirror.
Self-love begins in this moment. So, I take a steady breath and lovingly embrace my very human self, broccoli decorated teeth and all, and wish you the same full, very human and beautiful acceptance.
