In Brooklyn, the
sun finds me. I wake bathed in warmth by early morning light. The sun beams at
5am through curtain-less windows in the living room transformed into my cozy
guest room. I emerge into the peace of this moment by resting and luxuriating
in the embrace of the sun. I listen to the hum of the awakening city stirring
with life outside the windows. I relish the softness of the sheets. I watch the
sunlight pour into the still living room, rippling out like a golden carpet
over the floorboards.
I breathe out,
sink into the bottom of the exhalation and feel my body deeply relax.
I bask in the
brilliant morning light, and practice gratitude for the arrival of a heat that
is the medicine I seek. This radiance is a dazzling tonic to an emotionally whiplashed
heart and racing mind.
The sun-soaked
mornings affirm the intuitive pulling to go to New York City. I go to the city
to get quiet, to become clear and heal. I travel to the warm welcome of a
friend who validates my journey by listening and asking me the questions that
propel me forward.
My friend and I
walk Brooklyn. We explore bookstores, coffee shops, parks and art institutes. The
rhythm of the city is a remedy, and I fall into a steady walking pace, pushing
through confusing memories and breaking open into the intensity and energy of
New York City.
At a vintage
store in Brooklyn, I buy a pair of heels. I decide to slip them on and walk a
few blocks, daring to claim a part of myself restless to bloom into confidence,
sensuality and wild authenticity.
I catch glimpses
of her in
windows of restaurants and in the gold-framed mirrors in antique stores. My
friend captures her in a quick photo
before getting a chocolate dipped ice cream. She intrigues me, this woman I am
burning to unflinchingly be, and I return to the photo to remember she is
already within me.
She emerges as I
diligently choose love and practice forgiveness. This is a disciplined decision
made daily that paves a rocky path through the aftermath of a realized truth. Forgiveness is my only way out.
The other options
are losing myself into consuming drama, falling into the spiral of repeating
thoughts, and letting the perceived betrayal scorch my lighthearted way of
being.
I travel these
dark roads – some days are the darkest and hardest ones I’ve ever breathed
through -- and am stunned into this realization: This is how hurt constricts and
closes the heart.
The threat of a
closed heart sparks travels to New York. A change of scenery to air out the
heart. A trip to bring me home to myself.
The first morning
in Brooklyn, I witness the sunrise. There is the dawning of a forgotten
feeling: a shimmering excitement for life, a flickering and rising blaze of
hope.
Waking in
sunshine, I meditate in the rays, and the joy of the moment almost falls prey
to the running thoughts replaying past hurts, projecting fear and anxiety into
the future.
The choice is to
ruminate in the perceived unfairness of the past, or to be freed from its
dizzying clutches so I can continue on and fully experience my life.
Forgiveness.
I forgive to save
my life. Forgiveness steps me into the burn. I feel the feelings. I release the
narrative around the feelings. I expand into freedom through forgiveness.
Expansion breaks
me open to love. Love is my spirit word for my 26th year – a word
guide to gently keep me aligned to my evolving, my becoming, my rising. I’m
rising out of past insecurities around worthiness; I’m evolving beyond the
dictation by fear, and rising by actively engaging in life lessons from a place
of love.
I choose love
when I walk the streets in those vintage shoes, and I remember the ache of new
shoes on tired feet and the laughter that rinses me clean as my friend narrates
stories and makes quick-witted jokes.
Ever upward, I
think of New York’s motto as my friend and I stroll under the blazing sun. The
heat is like forgiveness. The past burned off and transformed into shimmery
insights, prompting me to move onward in love.
Summer Loving, Summer Sweating
Playlist:
*I Need A
Forest Fire – James Blake, Bon Iver
*Alaska –
Maggie Rogers
*Kings of
Summer – ayokay, Quinn XCII
*Follow
the Sun – Xavier Rudd
*Livewire
– Oh Wonder
*Something
About You - ODESZA Remix - Hayden James
*Only
Love – Ben Howard
*Drive –
Oh Wonder
*Wolves
Are Waiting – Dustin Tebbutt
*Hamilton - Y’all, this Broadway musical
lights me up, channels ambition and energy for “rising up and claiming my shot.”
A few of my favorites include these historic characters and moments narrated in
hip-hop beats: “Wait For It,” “The Battle of Yorktown,” “Satisfied” & “Burn.”
