Sparkle is my mantra. It’s my go-to word when I feel insecure and need
an extra self-confidence kick. Sparkle is a super fun, fashionable companion,
but She’s feisty and challenging at times. It’s easy for me to sparkle and
shine when I’m having a fabulous hair day, when I feel like I taught a smooth
yoga class, and 20 plus people like my current facebook status.
The question is can I personally grant myself the permission to sparkle
when I’ve experienced an “off moment?”
I’ve become aware that when I “mess up” (forgot about a work
commitment), or when I’ve potentially disappointed someone (overcommitted and
had to cancel on a friend), I punish myself with guilt and harsh criticism.
After such “off moments,” I don’t feel worthy of feeling good and receiving
goodness. I block my shine.
I grant others the power to affirm my worthiness. I look to the
current well-being of my relationships and the successes of my job as external
indicators to determine if I truly deserve to feel the radiant goodness that
exists within me.
Perfectionism is an underlying issue here. I set idealistic standards
for how I communicate, act and work with others. As a human who is still on the
post-grad learning curve, I consistently fall short, and instead of embracing
myself, I reprimand.
“You don’t know what you don’t
know.”
This is a newly adopted saying that has freed me from the claws of the
inner critic. I can’t hold myself responsible for things I simply didn’t know
about (like cleaning lint out of the dryer. I didn’t know that shit could cause
a fire!).
Sparkle illuminates these old patterns and pushes me to burn brightly
through them. Yes, I made a mistake, but plunging into negative self-chatter
doesn’t empower me to confront the situation with confidence and grace. And
shutting myself off from my inner light doesn’t help me grow. In the glitz and
glow of sparkle, I can lovingly claim my mistakes, take responsibility for
things I need to own and then brilliantly move on, or Sparkle On.
As the Sufi poet Hafiz says, “I
wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light
of your own being.”
I love sparkling up my fun-spirited nature when people are singing my
praises, I feel summer chic in a new dress, and I’m productively awesome at
work. The real challenge is to remain connected to that sparkle, that light and
all embracing awareness when I disappoint, make an honest mistake, and am
wading through insecurity. I want to navigate my reactions to difficult
experiences with a strengthened connection to my true self, the one that
sparkles regardless of successes and mistakes.
Readers, if you’re having a glorious day, own it, and Sparkle On. If
you’re having a not so awesome one, own it, and Sparkle On, too. And if all
this sparkling seems rather silly to you, that’s fine, just don’t let the
perceived ups and downs of your day determine your worthiness. You deserve to
feel good because You Are You.
