Coming Home to Self

I'm coming home to self.

I’ve been away. Disconnected. Tangled in thought webs. Taking on the emotional burdens of others. Words tinted with bitterness. Feeling apathetic.  

I operated this way for awhile, placing smiles over the wounds like band-aids and throwing myself into busyness: classes to teach, packing for the retreat, finishing up my VISTA term at work.

Then, I get a bit tipsy. At first, I’m all giggles and fun. Suddenly, I'm swept up in a thunderstorm of tears. I’m sobbing to Ray LaMontagne  on a late Friday night and realize that I’ve not been myself. I’m ungrounded and hurting and need to come home to self.

How do I come home to self?

I return to the embrace of healers and friends, the ones who compassionately listen as I rant, curse and reveal. They let me speak a truth that I’m having trouble owning. Once spoken, acknowledged and held in understanding, I can learn and grow on. I’m blessed to have these listeners. Thank you, thank you.

This homecoming calls for celebrations. 

Tuesday, Babe, wear those high heels and relish the click-clack patter they make on pavement and marble stairs. 

Flash out in hot pink, the color of confidence and self-esteem. 

Find the old Motown playlist and turn it up high on the commute to work. 

Dance wildly to sweat out the day. 

Grant others the gift of presence, fully listen and fully be.

Come home to favorite films, partied out playlists, sun salutations, revisited pieces of poetry, and back to the blank page. Revel in the breath, greeting and grounding.

I reconnect to self here in this coffee shop nestled in the mountains of North Carolina. 

Though traveling away from my Kentucky home, I feel grounded. I am rooted to self. I am brought back to center through journaling, sipping a vanilla latte and enjoying this precious time to write truthfully from the heart. I'm happy to be back. 

Thank you for listening. For self-discovery fun I offer you this: a vein of gold writing exercise. Make a list of 3-5 of your top favorite films, musicians, books and passions. Jot down whatever or whoever pops in your head, there’s no need to impress, only to explore and see what is sparkling up your heart and creative energies. There may be a thread connecting the categories together in rather curious ways. Or this may be a go-to list when you’re having a rather off day and are in need of a homecoming celebration of your own.

P.S.- Learned the vein of gold writing exercise from the very talented Sarah Combs. She's a brilliant and beautiful Kentucky author whose recently published Breakfast Served Anytime  is a magical read and a vital part of this summertime homecoming.