The rush
of the week sweeps me up. I’m trying too hard again. I'm reacting and resisting the pull of my feelings. I’m creating and believing
stories I tell about myself, about my day.
Come home, the breath
pulls me into an embrace.
Come
home to the breath, to the body, to this moment. A deep inhalation and a
complete exhalation.
I
breathe myself back to center and hold space to feel the emotions present: I am
angry. This anger simmers, hisses and wants to scald. I experience the
life-span of the emotion, knowing it will need to be spoken out loud soon, and
the words have not yet formed, but that is for another time, for now I
witness.
I feel
the touch of cold air on my skin. I crave alone time in the winter woods. To be
in the company of bare trees and pine. I want to take shelter in the turning
inward earth. Fellow introverts. I think of the woods, of wandering in
stillness, and know this will happen, and soon. My heart needs it. This time
will be a homecoming, too, of returning back to a self defined only by a
beating heart, breath forming in cold air, and feet navigating a rugged path.
The longing for the woods softens
with the knowing I’ll make a journey there soon. The present moment, with its
twinkle lights and soft twilight, calls for my fullest awareness.
What do I need now to be my most vibrant self? I need to find home in myself by creating and honoring my own magical
and sacred traditions. So...
I find
home in my body by dancing wildly to the playlist from the ultimate Christmas
romantic comedy, “Love Actually” (I imagine dancing around 10 Downing Street with Hugh Grant).
I find
home in my heart by curling up and reading on the living room couch by the
sparkling tree.
I find
home in my whimsical self by laughing with my sister while watching “Elf.”
I find
home within by granting my family and friends the space to be as they need to
be. I grant myself the space to be sensitive, to be upset, and to be sparkly happy.
When stress arrives, when emotions grab hold, when negative self-talk speaks too loudly, the breath finds me. I find home. This is my mantra for
the holiday. Be at home in the present, in the experience, in the quieting
comfort of winter.
